A Page of Poems : Nature and Wildlife - 2
Riley The Fox
(Mar 2001)
Riley the fox was christened
By someone who had trouble with R's
And known as 'Wily' he soon was top
Of the league of animal stars.
But the other animals were jealous
And sent a deputation
Insisting that he change his name
Or they'd ruin his reputation.
Wily shrugged and said that if
For him they should come gunning
It really would be a waste of time
For they couldn't match his cunning.
So the animals had a meeting,
Of the fox they must be rid.
A plan of action was agreed
And this is what they did.
The pigs slipped out one evening,
Kidnapped a chicken or three
And hid them in their pigsty
Where nobody could see.
Later they took some feathers
And some ketchup in a tin
And creeping up to the sleeping fox
Spread them round his chin.
Then the donkeys brought the farmer
To see what they had done,
The farmer cried, "My chickens!"
And slowly raised his gun.
The feathers round the fox's nose
At that point made him sneeze.
Now awake he saw the gun
And shot into the trees.
So all because of someone
Whose R's would not sound right
Wily's now a fugitive
And dare not sleep at night.
And that's why every fox today
Is pictured chops a-licking.
But no-one's ever realised
That foxes don't like chicken.
Two Sticks For Poohsticks - Part 1
(Apr 2001)
Poohsticks, played by Christopher
Robin, Winnie-The-Pooh, Piglet and,
inadvertently, Eeyore consists of dropping sticks into water off one side of
a bridge and seeing which is first to appear on the other side.
Fred and Bill, young stick insects,
Were finding life quite tame
Till Fred overheard some children
Talking about a game.
The game concerned was Poohsticks
And it sounded fun to him,
A little bit of diving
Followed by a swim.
So they got their trunks and towels
And went down to the brook
Then stood upon the little bridge
To have a proper look.
"There's quite a lot of water,"
Said Bill as he looked down
"You're a better swimmer
So don't you let me drown."
"Of course not!" answered Fred,
But not quite sure at all
'Cos many years had now gone by
Since he had learnt the crawl.
They both stood on the lowest rail
Ready for the race
Fred counted "One two three and GO!"
And they jumped out into space.
Down they went together
But Fred could not resist
Doing a backward somersault
With pike and double twist.
So by the time he landed
In the water there beneath
Bill was half a yard away
And sitting on a leaf.
"That's cheating!" spluttered Fred
As Bill went floating by
And if anyone were watching
They might have seen him cry.
But Fred was made of sterner stuff
And soon his eyes were clearer
Well, clear enough to see the bridge
Was further off, not nearer!
They hadn't thought to see which way
The water gurgled past
And now the leaf on which Bill sat
Was disappearing fast.
With the current getting stronger
Fred struck out for the shore
And when at last he reached the bank
He could see the leaf no more.
Tired and dejected
And thinking thoughts of Bill
He slowly made his way back home
Before he caught a chill.
And now each day Fred has a dip
In case he should forget
The times he had with his friend Bill
Who's still not come home yet.
***
Two Sticks For Poohsticks - Part 2
(May 2001)
When Fred suggested Poohsticks
It had seemed a good idea
But now Bill wasn't quite so sure
As he watched him disappear.
He couldn't see from where he was
That Fred had reached dry ground
So when the splashing finished
He assumed that Fred had drowned
And as the leaf on which he sat
Floated round a bend
His eyes were brimming over
With tears for his lost friend.
But his grief was soon invaded
By a sound quite loud and near
And looking over his shoulder
Bill went cold with fear
For ahead were bubbling rapids
And it seemed as if they laughed
Knowing that the little leaf
Was no white water raft.
Hanging on with all six hands
Bill wore a ghastly grin
As down between the pebbles
The leaf began to spin.
Up and down the water tossed him
Till all around was calm
And opening his eyes he found
He'd made it without harm.
The brook had now got wider
And the water nice and clear
And as he paddled to the shore
He had a Bright Idea.
He climbed up to the grassy path
And found his way upstream
His heart was pounding very fast
And his eyes were all agleam
For in his mind he saw his future
Running a 'Water Ride'
There was nothing else for insects to do
So they'd flock from far and wide
And for this new excitement
His charge would be quite fair
And just perhaps this time next year
He would be a millionaire.
And that is just what happened
You can take it all as read
But from that very moment on
Bill never thought of Fred. ***
The Walrus And The Dentist
(May 2001)
British dentists went to operate on walrus tusks in Moscow Zoo.
The elderly walrus was a sad old fellow
Whose teeth were turning extremely yellow
He had such pain from one large tusk
That all he could eat was a soggy rusk
Gone for him was the shellfish diet,
Which meant that meals were very quiet.
Then along came a dentist from Enfield Chase
Who'd been called in just for this case
He asked the walrus to open wide
And then had a jolly good look inside
But when he emerged he looked like death
'Cos there's nothing as bad as a walrus' bad breath.
He said, "We'll need anaesthetic before we begin"
And promptly downed a bottle of gin
Then pushed and tugged, hammered and drilled
Until two teeth were finally filled
And one large tusk lay on the floor
Next to the dentist, who'd started to snore.
The walrus explored his mouth with his tongue
Quite pleased with what the dentist had done
For the crunching of shellfish could now begin
And he grinned a very lopsided grin
While the dentist dreamt of presenting his account
'Cos a very large tooth meant a very large amount.
***
The Watchers
(Feb 2001)
In neatly pressed grey morning suit,
Immobile and erect,
He stands alone at the water’s edge
Ready to detect
Any unsuspecting passerby.
An insect or a fish
Would give the ever-patient heron
An appetising dish.
In rather crumpled waterproofs,
Immobile and quite cold,
A man hides in the reeds to watch
Events as they unfold.
But this is not the heron’s day,
There's not a fish in sight,
And so he beats his mighty wings
In slow and stately flight.
Across the lake the heron flies
Then turns and heads due south
And as the man climbs to his feet
His heart is in his mouth
For the very bird he loves to watch,
Of which he's grown quite fond,
Has watched him come and go before
And is heading for his pond. ***
Willy's Shortcomings
(Jul 2001)
Willy the worm is the longest worm
That anyone has ever seen
His front end is long, his back end is long
And he's very long in between.
When being introduced for the very first time
People often make the mistake
Of assuming he isn't a worm at all
But a slower than average snake.
He doesn't fit in like the other worms do
And can never go out on a date
'Cos his front end will always arrive too early
While his back end is always too late.
One day while wriggling around in the garden
He thought he'd found a friend
Till a passing beetle told him that
He was chatting up his own rear end.
Totally embarrassed, he wanted to hide
In his own little world of despair
But when you're a worm of enormous proportions
Everyone knows you are there.
So now he's decided on an operation,
The plans have all been made,
And everyday he lies in the flowerbed
Waiting for the man with the spade.
***
Tylopods
(Aug 2001)
The camel is a tylopod
Which has nought to do with humps
But really means it has no hooves,
Just great big padded lumps.
These pads are on the llama too
Which are useful when it snows,
While the camel's pleased it never gets
Sand between its toes. ***
High Days and Holidays
(Apr 2002)
Grasshoppers are very good jumpers,
Leaping twenty times more than their length,
Which is down to the press-ups and workouts
That improve their upper leg strength.
But they're not very strong on aggression
And find it much safer to hide,
So they tend to dress up in the colour
Of the area in which they reside.
Which is fine till they go on vacation,
'Cos their cases are filled to the brim
With clothes they may need on the journey
And something to wear when they swim
Though they never go under the water,
Which may not be such a surprise,
For they just can't find goggles to fit them -
That's the trouble with having five eyes!
And so many eyes cause confusion,
Which really does give them the hump.
That's why, when you meet a grasshopper,
You'll always make him jump.
***
Autumn Gales
(Nov 2000)
White wispy clouds scud across the sky
And brown trembling leaves lose their hold
Power cables dance as the air rushes by
And a lone figure leans into the cold.
In the pale autumn sun not a seagull soars
Trees bend as roots grip the ground
And while the whining wind through the hedgerow bores
The fox knows he's safe from the hound. ***
all the above works are copyright David Axton © All Rights Reserved
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