A Page of Poems : UK Politics
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What About Me?
(Jan 2003)
Last year I behaved myself and paid for all my shopping,
I didn't cost Joe Public a single cent.
I never told a lie: not even tiny, white or whopping
And I gave back everything that I'd been lent.
I've been the perfect neighbour, tactful and discreet
And I never asked to stay in friends' chateaux
I have to share a car so I often used my feet
And I didn't punch a soul upon the nose.
I didn't try to buy two flats with dubious intent
And I certainly don't want to go to war.
I've balanced all my income with everything I've spent
So I haven't had to say that I need more.
I always bought a ticket when I travelled on the train,
I never tried to say that wrong was right,
And I haven't tried to wash all our standards down the drain
Or been to Clapham Common late at night.
I didn't go to prostitutes, male or otherwise,
And I didn't make a mint with "kiss and tell".
In fact I can quite honestly look you in the eyes
And say that I have really done quite well.
So having said all this, it seems so very clear
That a politician's what I'll never be
But, Tony, when you're working on the Honours List next year:
I'm bloody perfect - what about me? ***
Superman
(Feb 2002)
Is it a bird? Is it a plane?
No, it's Blair flying off again.
With arm outstretched he soars away -
Where's he going to land today?
It could be Kabul, it could be Rome,
It certainly won't be near to home,
For here he seems so ill at ease
Caught up in the usual sleaze.
Standing knee-deep in the mire
He says that smoke does not need fire:
Perhaps the spin has spun so much
That even he is out of touch.
He can't believe there's so much fuss,
But then again, it's only us -
It's to the world stage that he looks
To make his entry in the history books. ***
Cross Dressing
(Oct 2000)
Conservative Party Conference
AW wore a red dress and proposed on-the-spot fines for soft drug abuse.
Ann Widdecombe, Ann Widdecombe, what did you do?
You took centre stage wearing red and not blue.
Was it the colour that made you behave
As if you were seeking a political grave?
Ann Widdecombe, Ann Widdecombe, can you repair
The damage you've done by copying Blair?
You've tarnished your image, but there's still hope
If you're not still high on the thought of dope. ***
Cross-eyed
(Jun 2001)
General Election
I used to vote Conservative
Now I'm of Liberal mind
And Labour under the handicap
Of going colour blind.
I suppose my eyesight's fading
But it really seems absurd
The more I see politicians
The more my vision's blurred.
So when I'm in my polling booth
With eyes all crossed and wonky
I'll have to play that party game
'Pin the tail on the donkey'.
***
Diplomatic
Immunity
(Sep 2000)
Whether Presidents or Prime Ministers
Or just lesser players in the game
Should politicians assume the right
To lie and cheat without shame?
With total arrogance they flaunt their power
Yet their weakness is plain to see
But they're not scared, they know they can rely
On the lethargy of people like me. ***
Fuel
Crisis
(Sep 2000)
The government is in a dilemma
And it's now up to Gordon Brown
To avoid any future blockades
By bringing the petrol price down.
But he won't, it's not in his nature,
A price-freeze will be his best shot.
I mean, how can we expect generosity
When the purse strings are held by a Scot? ***
If Only
(Sep 2000)
If arrogance were a virtue
Gordon Brown would be a saint
But it isn't
And he ain't. ***
The
Learner Driver
(Sep 2000)
He sits in the driving seat, revving
But in neutral, the know-how's not there.
With a lot of noise and commotion
He's not really going anywhere.
It all seems rather familiar,
"It's deja vu", you declare.
And yes, as the driver emerges
You see it's our friend Tony Blair. ***
Political Asylum
(May 2000)
If by the year two thousand and one
We still haven't sent any refugees home
Forget all the things that should have been done
At least we'll know what to put in the Dome. ***
Straw Poll
(Jun 2000)
Jack Straw certainly lives up to his name
He's as constant as wind-blown dried grass.
To keep him steady I'd take a straw poll
And stick it up his .... ***
all the above works are copyright David Axton © All Rights Reserved
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