General Humour

A Golf Lesson

Jun 2001

For those of you who need some aid
In making sure your game is played
To the very best of your potential
I've written down what I was taught
And some improvement really ought
To be expected to be consequential.

You mustn't grip the club too tight,
And keep two knuckles well in sight
And never ever let the left arm bend.
Unless of course you have to play
With clubs that face the other way,
In which case just reflect on things my friend.

You must be careful with your swing
It must not come from out to in
'Cos that will always give you quite a slice.
And likewise don't swing in to out
You'll then start hooking without doubt
So swing both straight and true is my advice.

A supple wrist and practised hand
Is what will get you out of sand
And make you look a proper golfing star
But if you forget to follow through
The ball may stick as if in glue
And you may have to light a small cigar.

If you don't open the face enough
The club gets caught up in the rough
And there's no chance you'll anything but hack.
To give yourself an even chance
Make sure you've got an open stance
And stand with the ball a little further back.

On the green you have to learn
To read just how the ball might turn
And judge how fast it really needs to roll.
When putting, be a pendulum
And let the putter slowly come
Through the ball and then on to the hole.

Later at the clubhouse bar
Saying how unlucky you are
And that you really have had better scores,
Remember that it's just a game
But if there should be any blame
Believe you me, it's nobody's but yours.

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the above work is copyright David Axton © All Rights Reserved