It's Bullfrog!
humorous rhyming verse, funny poems, limericks and valentines by David Axton

So Near Yet So Far
(Mar 2002)

My wife had up and left me
In search of happiness
And though a week had now gone by
I was still in quite a mess.

The fridge and larder were empty
Apart from odds and ends:
Nothing there to help me keep
My stomach and I good friends.

Then, low and behold, I saw it:
Corned beef in a square-looking tin
With a key stuck on the outside
Providing an easy way in.

I found the remains of the Branston
And some crystalised strawberry jam.
They made the plate look colourful,
Though I thought they'd go better with spam.

I held the tin quite firmly,
Like I would the hand of a friend,
Then broke off the key and threaded
The thin metal strip through the end.

A twist of the wrist and I'd started
To separate the strip from the tin
While the smell of the meat was heaven:
Which shows what a state I was in.

Then the key was no longer turning:
I twisted again and then, Damn!
The thin metal strip just broke apart
And I dropped the key in the jam.

But did I let this faze me?
Oh no! not on your life:
I attacked the tin with my spoon and fork
(That was after I'd broken the knife)

 
continued .....
 
 
 
 
But an inch and a half was not enough
Of a gap to let me in
So I did the only thing I could:
I threw it all into the bin.

Of course, I blamed it on my wife
Well, what else could I do?
'Cos when she took her leave that day
She took the tin-opener too.

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