- UK Politics -
What About Me?
(Jan 2003)

Last year I behaved myself and paid for all my shopping,
I didn't cost Joe Public a single cent.
I never told a lie: not even tiny, white or whopping
And I gave back everything that I'd been lent.

I've been the perfect neighbour, tactful and discreet
And I never asked to stay in friends' chateaux.
I have to share a car so I often used my feet
And I didn't punch a soul upon the nose.

I didn't try to buy two flats with dubious intent
And I certainly don't want to go to war.
I've balanced all my income with everything I've spent
So I haven't had to say that I need more.

I always bought a ticket when I travelled on the train,
I never tried to say that wrong was right,
And I haven't tried to wash all our standards down the drain
Or been to Clapham Common late at night.

I didn't go to prostitutes, male or otherwise,
And I didn't make a mint with "kiss and tell".
In fact I can quite honestly look you in the eyes
And say that I have really done quite well.

So having said all this, it seems so very clear
That a politician's what I'll never be
But, Tony, when you're working on the Honours List next year:
I'm bloody perfect - what about me?